It comes up a lot with my clients.
And why wouldn’t it? Let’s be honest, there are a lot of shit relationships out there and if you have been dating for awhile there is a pretty good chance you have been in at least one.
It is hard to throw a rock nowadays and not meet someone with “trust issues”. Just bringing up dating will cause them to delve into a depressing tale at the drop of a hat about cheating, divorce or lots of lies.
I have to be honest, I have heard some stories that would not only stop me from dating but hole me up in my house in the fetal position shouting for Ewan McGregor! (What? I love Scottish accents!)
But a lot of times when I hear these stories, they are told like the badges of honor. Proving to me (and themselves) that there is no one good out there, so why even bother. What’s the point?
However, they are quietly hoping I am going to prove them wrong, because everyone wants to believe in love.
So today I am keeping it short but mostly sweet. I am going to drop some knowledge to put this trust thing in perspective. To give you back that hope.
Because when we stop believing in love, what do we have?
A life that is depressing as fuck, that’s what. Like a world without naps, coffee, champagne or mini ponies. I don’t want to live there….do you?
So here it goes!
When we start to talk about trust issues and not being able to trust others, we need to take a big giant step back and ask a much bigger question.
That question? Do we actually trust ourselves?
Let’s let that sit there for a second, shall we?
Because at the end of the day, trust is not really about them, it is about us.
We can not control others so we need to trust that we will make the right choice in who we choose to date.
Trust that we can slow down and recognize red flags.
Trust that we will communicate what we need.
Trust that we can set-up healthy boundaries that build healthy relationships.
And most importantly, trust that we can walk away when something is not working. That is the big one.
Because, when we can do those things, we can keep our heads and hearts open and make smart choices in our relationships. We can openly trust and kick those “trust issues” to the curb.
Everyone is doing the best that they can and deserves our trust. However, it is always our choice to stay or walk away if it is not working.
Adventure of the Day:
Journal the shit out of these questions:
Do you trust yourself? Know what you need enough to ask for it? Trust yourself to walk away if it isn’t working? If you don’t, how can you change it?