I have never written this article before because honestly, I felt a little like Captain Obvious talking about it. However, I have heard so many stories around this lately that I have decided that I have been “the chosen one.” You know, kind of like Eddie Murphy in The Golden Child. Just like any other very special messenger from the Gods, I gladly accept the challenge.
So, here we go.
If you are single and out there meeting people, singling, texting, hanging out, making out or any other form of general dating…FALLING OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH (otherwise known as ghosting) IS NOT A fucking OPTION.
Here is an explanation in case I am not being obvious enough.
Whether you’ve hung out for a few nights or been on a few dates there may come a time when you realize it’s not working for you. When that happens you need to step up and tell them “thank you, but no thank you.”
Be open, be honest, and both of you can move on. Not answering phone calls, texts, facebook messages, tweets or any communication is NOT FUCKING ACCEPTABLE.
It is disrespectful and downright gutless. Stop doing that shit.
Please do not even think I am aiming this at one particular gender, because this kind of behavior is an equal opportunity offender.
I feel that if you can not be kind enough to do this, then you need to step back, check yourself and take a break from dating for awhile.
Ask yourself why you can’t be honest with others? Why is that so uncomfortable for you? It is part of every relationship. It is good practice.
And I know we all have crap, that is why there are life coaches and therapists. There is no need to drag other people into your shit with you and leave them in the wake of it. You and I both know that is just not kind and all I am asking for here is a little kindness.
We are all out here just doing our best to find love and be loved, and it isn’t easy. There are going to be freak outs, missteps, awkward moments and lots and lots of nervousness, but if we are all kind to each other, this gets a whole heck of a lot easier.
I am in no fucking denial that this is not easy.
Rejection is tough and no one wants to hurt someone else’s feelings. Nor do we like to feel like the bad guy/gal in that situation. But there are tons of reasons why connections don’t happen or fade and I already wrote an article about that here.
Either way, everyone deserves a little kindness and closure. Without that they have no idea what happened and have a hard time moving on.
Doesn’t everyone deserve to move on?
Just so you know, I would never ask you to stop doing something hard without giving you some idea on how to do it. I am good like that.
No one needs a long list of reasons, excuses or you apologizing 76 times. Also, no one needs a bunch of BS, because if you really thought they were so amazing you would probably be dating them, right?
Be kind, but make sure they know you mean it. Here is a kind way to end a new “thing.”
“I just want to tell you thank you so much for the time we have spent together. I have to be honest that I am not wanting to move this forward and just don’t feel it is what I am looking for right now. I have really loved getting to know you and truly appreciating getting a glimpse into your life. I wish you the best of luck. “
Kind yet final. That is what we are going for here, people.
I am going to give everyone the benefit of the doubt that depending on the length, they know the best way to do it. But PLEASE, for the love of all that is good left on this earth, do not use social media for this.
If you have been on more than a few dates it deserves a call (not a text) and if you have been dating more than a couple of months there should be some kind, but realistic, reasons so they can learn from the experience.
You can do this. I can help. Let’s fucking change this together!