I am not sure if that is a real word or not, but it is how I feel.
It is how I feel every time I hear, see or read another “dating horror story.”
“GASP! He did this! She did that! Can you believe it?”
Look at how superior we are laughing at some poor, lonely person just putting themselves out there to find love. Aching for a little companionship. Hoping to trust someone. Wanting to believe in the good of people. Trying to find someone who likes and loves them for who they are. Even if it is flawed, imperfect, odd, or quirky .
We have all had different experiences. Different life lessons and teachers. Not everyone grew up with amazing parents who knew what they were doing and showed us how to create a beautiful relationship. Or even how to just act on a date. If you did, YAY FOR YOU! Go buy your parents a huge gift because they saved you lots on therapy. Seriously, call them right now, thank them and tell them you love them. For God’s sake they brought you into this world!!!!
After you do that, let’s all remember one thing.
Nobody actually knows what they are doing when it comes to love and we are all just doing the best that we can.
Listen hard there.
We are doing the best that we can.
People are all crazy, stupid scared of rejection and being vulnerable. They suit up every time they go out (in public, let alone a date) just to not get hurt again and again. They get super nervous and say awkward things. They say too much or too little. They come off as braggy because they overcompensate so they don’t sound like losers. Lots of times they are just not that great at portraying who they really are in that first date because they too are scared of getting hurt or rejected. None of that has ANYTHING to do with knowing if they are capable of creating a great relationship with you.
Great at listening to a place where you feel heard. Being able to support you through ALL times. Appreciating you even when you are less then stellar. Solving problems with you so you don’t have the same issues over and over like so many couples do. Giving and receiving love so openly that all it takes is a smile to make you know you are loved. That, my friends, is the kick-ass awesomeness we are looking for and can not be detected in a first date.
So, for those of you who feel the need to pour the wine and bitch to your friends every time you think you have met another loser/douchebag/nice guy you are just not attracted to, here is a thought. If you don’t think that someone who has taken an hour out of their life to meet you and see if there might be some connection is “worth your time” because they are not what you expected or have enough checks for your ridiculous checklist, then you are doing this wrong. Please explain to me why your time so much more important than theirs. Your love more important. Your ideas so much more creative. Your stories so much better. Why do you think your life is so much better than theirs that you need to make fun of them just because they are not your thing.
Plus, I am so glad that you can tell if someone is your “soulmate” in 30 minutes or less. When you are done being Miracle Max could you cure cancer and invent flying cars already? I am sick of driving.
Your reminder for the day: Everyone has something to teach you and even if you have dug in a little and are seeing some differences that aren’t going to work, everyone has a story you can learn from. The moment you embrace that, this dating thing is going to get a whole lot better. You might even be amazed what you find out.
Last thought, would you want to date someone who you found out had made fun of their last five dates? Is that a quality you are looking for?
Are you being the person you want to date?