Let’s get something straight right now. Nobody is too nice! That doesn’t exist. That is wacky shit like people telling me he/she just listened too well. He/she was just too kind and giving in our relationship. The sex was just too damn good, I HAD to leave. See how crazy train that sounds? If you don’t, you need to call me immediately. Like yesterday.
If you have heard that before, there is a reason but not that you were too nice. What actually happened was somewhere, somebody didn’t have the guts to tell you the real truth.
They didn’t have the guts to tell you your over-giving personality is making you look unconfident. That your bending over backwards, is coming off as spineless. That because you are so overly worried about them and their happiness it is looking like you do not care about yourself. That although that is nice, it ultimately doesn’t feel balanced if you are not also concerned about yourself in the relationship.
So someone, one day said that a guy was just “too nice” and it became a thing to say. Like “gag me with a spoon” or “whoomp there it is.” I honestly am appalled that as a society we have just accepted this. I have been shouting back for years, “what does that even mean? Is someone really too nice? That doesn’t even make sense.”
Trust me, I get it. You were being awesome. You were being your sweet, kind self and because you really were interested and cared for this person, you thought catering to their every whim would win them over. You thought letting them choose the dates and restaurants was being considerate. You thought always putting them first was thoughtful. It is! It really is, but for as much as women think and say they want to be pampered, catered too and **worshipped, most of them don’t actually want that. And seriously, if that is the kind of lady you are looking for, no judgment. This is just not the site for you.
You also possibly chose someone who is battling with their own loveable issues (a lot of people do.) All of the attention, sweetness and kindness just made them feel really uncomfortable. Because if they deep down don’t like themselves it is a disconnect in their brain of why the heck you would like them so much. I mean, what is wrong with you if you can’t see how actually weird, sad, not put together, etc they are? That is a whole other article and I will get on it, just hold your horses. Geesh.
The evolution of the genders in the last 50-100 years is a huge conversation, but most of the females I know are out there figuring it all out on a day to day basis. Where they fit into the work world. How to be smart, look good and keep their shit all together. How to be and look strong when they don’t actually feel that strong all of the time. How to navigate this crazy dating world that seems to be changing by the minute. At the end of the day, they just want someone to step up, ask them out, really plan a date and then follow through. Most of them are actually also looking for that sweet guy. I know that is all sounding a little scary now a days but I think if you can do it, you will feel amazing and so will she. Just the place you want to start a relationship. In the amazing zone.
To hopefully clear something up, I want to give you this today nice guys, who I truly love and believe in and want to rule the world.
When you first meet someone, here are some tips to help you navigate the seven layers of women’s confusing brains so you can be your amazing sweet self but out of the dreaded friend zone.
1. As soon as you meet someone, take the lead. That doesn’t mean be an arrogant asshole, it means start the conversation. Ask questions about passions, travel and share your own. Let the kindness come through by remembering things that she said and referencing them. Collect a number and then follow up in the next day or two (3 days is unnecessary). Not with a text, with a call. They may not answer (because they get really nervous too) but leave a nice but brief message that you would like to take them out and name a date or two as an option. If she doesn’t get back to you, I know that sucks but please know you rocked and some incredible lady is out there wanting your awesomeness. I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!!
2. Plan the date. I can not stress this enough. I will help you if you want me to. It does not need to be expensive but just taking the time to really plan something means the world to women nowadays. If it is going to include anything out of the ordinary (and I hope it is) remember to let them know to dress accordingly. This alone can change relationships.
3. Keep healthy boundaries. As you continue to get to know each other, no matter if you are thinking (“I am crazy about this girl,” which I hope you are) keep healthy and realistic boundaries. Start the relationship with how you want it to end, with an amazingly respectful and beautiful partnership. Giving and receiving. Asking for what you need while listening to her needs. Making her feel special and allowing her to do the same for you. That is where the really, really good stuff starts and when you start great it can only go up.
You can do this, Handsome! You are too amazing to let something as little as niceness get in your way of great love and relationships. Let me help! We can even talk about sci-fi:)
**I swear if I see another woman over the age of 6 wear a “Diva or Princess” t-shirt I am going to “PETA that shirt up” with blue paint. Because blue is my favorite color and I am not really into red. If you see in the news “Diva Shirt Paint Massacre” you will know it is me.