Tinder, texting, ghosting, gas-lighting, hook-ups, heartaches, speed dating, Bumble, break-ups, set-ups, blind dates, no dates, friends with benefits, commitment issues, mommy issues, playboys,bachelors, divorce –all of it is one gigantic clusterfuck of, “WTF is even happening?”
In the past 40 years, relationships and dating culture have totally changed. We can’t turn to our parents for advice. And we want more. We want better. We want true partnerships filled with love, support, laugher and trust. But we don’t know how the fuck to get it.
And while we stumble, fall and break (and everyone around us seems to be getting hitched and building their white picket fence lives) our baggage grows from a petite clutch to an entourage of gigantic Samsonite suitcases we have to lug around and check-in every time we swipe right.
When did the greatest adventure of our lives turn into it a series of unfortunate events?
Your resident captain, coach and positive psychology practitioner steering this coaching journey. For over ten years now, I’ve been helping women just like you stop sabotaging their own shit and start creating healthy and loving relationships.
No, that’s not a typo. I didn’t mean to say, “find the one”.
‘Cause I know you think that everything will be rainbows and unicorns once you find love and meet the perfect partner. But the truth is that love isn’t hiding from you. It isn’t playing some epic game of hide and seek. Love is something you have to create … starting by sorting out your own shit.
Love only happens (and continues) when two people show up and choose each other day after day. That isn’t just by accident…it’s by choice. And it’s a shit-ton easier when you know what you want and how to ask for it.
This is about helping you –the beautiful, complex woman who has had imperfect role models, lots of bad dates, questionable relationships that just didn’t work out –become an empowered (carry-on only) adventurer in charge of her destiny.
‘Cause the reality is that we aren’t taught this stuff. There isn’t a class in school called: “How you love: Learning your attachment styles and cultivating your self-worth and self-compassion.” We aren’t prompted to dive into our happiness set points and explore positive psychology. We aren’t shown how to create boundaries, solve problems and speak up for ourselves, all while maintaining our vulnerability. And we sure as hell aren’t shown how to create love.
(Hands up if you didn’t even know that was a thing until now?)
This shit doesn’t come naturally. These are all legit skills, like riding a bike and playing the piano and baking the perfect chocolate chip cookie.
But unlike regular skills, there isn’t a reliable and effective class you can attend, or an instruction manual you can read, to really wrap your head around what it takes to create love in your life.
The OM is a six-month online/offline adventure for women ready to transform their love life from the inside out.
It’s life coaching, positive psychology, neuroscience, deep self-work, community support, relationships skills practice, accountability, live events and self-love mentoring, all wrapped up in a step-by-step (and totally life-changing) experience.
It’s a coaching journey, filled with women just like you who want to learn the skills and tools required to create healthy and loving relationships and create them with another imperfect person.
You’ll be guided by me, positive psychology practitioner and coach, and you’ll choose your own personal accountability coach to help keep you on track so you never feel like you’re stranded at sea.
Best of all, there’s a community of kindred soul sisters ready to cheerlead, support, and love you to bits.
It’s about becoming more confident, even when you’re deep sea diving outside your comfort zone.
It’s about dealing with rejection, without having to self-soothe and resort to excessive wine and cheese consumption.
It’s about teaching people how to treat you, without feeling like a needy fraud.
And it’s about your happiness; understanding, creating, cultivating and owning it.
You have a great job & awesome friends but STILL feel wholly fucking unlovable (and like a complete love failure).
You’re single AF and whispering to yourself, “Holy fuck, how and when did this happen?”
You’re divorced and there’s no way in hell you’re making the same mistakes again.
You’re sick of self-sabotaging & want to create a life that’s led by love – NOT fear.
You want to quit talking yourself out of relationships before they’ve even started.
You don’t need help getting a date. You need help creating a real relationship that will stand the test of time.
You’ve tried other things. Dating websites. Matchmakers. Blind dates. Rain dances. Now you want something that’s gonna stick.
You want to believe that love is possible. At any age, size, weight, shape or stage of your life.
You’re pretty sure that your relationship picker is broken, and you feel like you’re going to stay single, frustrated and alone forever.
I believe that happy relationships start with happy singles … and I’ve got the science to prove it. This module will ignite your happiness by introducing you to new daily practices to start moving your happiness set point while your cultivate gratitude and mindfulness. We’ll dig in to understand how to make true changes so that all of the amazing things you learn actually stick. That’s the point!
If you’re feeling lost and confused in your love life, you’re not alone. The landscape of love has shifted and relationships in 2018 are dramatically different than they’ve ever been before … so why are we dating the same way we did in 1968? In this module, you’re going to learn what love really looks like and how to build it in healthy and working relationships. Your mind will be nothing less than blown.
So many times we meet someone, think there’s potential and then something small but weird comes up that makes us think, “I guess this just isn’t a good match …” but that’s not necessarily true.
We all learn to love in different ways. Someone may be a great match for you, but they just don’t know how to love you. That means digging in to how you first learned love: Was it healthy? Is it helping you attract healthy people, or is it leading you down a road of unhappiness and disconnection?
Self-worth is one of the most important aspects of dating. If we don’t have it, everyone we meet becomes a potential “fixer”— and expecting someone else to make you feel worthy will kill a relationship faster than Raid kills ants.
This week, you’ll learn what self-worth really is, and why it really is so important. We’ll look at how your self-worth, or lack thereof, is showing up in your dating and relationships, and we’ll also do a self-worth assessment which will reveal specific aspects you’ll need to work on. Finally, you’ll learn techniques to build your self-compassion, which in turn will boost your self-worth and equip you with the resilience to deal with rejection while dating like a boss. This shit will change your life.
Your mind talks a lot of smack. It’s especially good at feeding you wackadoo thoughts and made-up stories that don’t help you AT ALL.
In this module, I’ll show you how to teach people how to treat you by exploring how you carry yourself, what you tolerate and how you react and respond to people and situations. Usually all of that is based on how we feel about ourselves deep on the inside, but trust me, your lack of confidence is being broadcast on the outside loud and clear.
Which is why I’ll show you how to understand the different types of thoughts and how to challenge what isn’t working for you anymore. You’ll learn about the beliefs and thinking traps that are keeping you unhappy and discover how to change the worry cycle that is affecting your dating and relationships.
After we understand what’s going on in your head, you’re going to learn reframing techniques to get you through even the toughest days (and dates). As well as how to fully process rejection and move on from it. I’ll also equip you with the tools you need to control your thoughts so they don’t control you.
We all have a story, usually one that’s based on past experiences and things we’ve made up about ourselves along the way. In this module, we’re going to look into that story and investigate what beliefs and mindsets come along with it.
After we look at your story, what parts of your story can you ditch? What parts can you rewrite to create a story that moves you towards love, and away from fear?
We’re all unique, sparkly unicorns because we each have different personalities, beliefs, and experiences. Because of that, we need different things in order to feel happy and safe. Knowing what you need to feel good and thrive in a relationship is an absolute must when you’re dating, yet so few of us really take the time to figure this stuff out.
Instead, we wait for the other person to make us feel happy and safe, and that, sugarpants, is a recipe for relationship disaster.
In this module, we’ll explore why values are so important, and you’ll learn how to recognize matching values in potential dates.
We’ll also uncover your strengths, so you know exactly what you have to offer a relationship, and what you need from another in order for the relationship to work.
We’ll also learn how to communicate all this without handing someone a questionnaire and a pie chart. Promise.
Do you never want to say “no” to others because you’re afraid they’ll be upset or not like you? Do you bend over backwards to please others? Do you overshare (vomit out your life story) with people you just met because they are “just going to have to like you for who you are”? (Yup, that’s a boundary issue too.)
In this module, we’re going to look at people pleasing (trust me, it is killing you), co-dependence and those big fucking walls you like to put up and pretend are healthy (you like to call that being “picky”). You are going to discover interdependence and it will change everything. (Hint: That’s where everyone feels fucking amazing!)
Want to know what the number one most attractive quality is? Physical and emotional availability (ok, that’s two; so sue me).
Every day, I have ladies that tell me that they are so available it’s crazy! They are on every app or site, going to meet-ups and talking to all of their friends to set them up. Availability is NOT a problem.
But …are you sure?
When people meet you they’ll instantly be looking to see how they fit into your life and what they can bring to your relationship … but is there actually room for them? Or are you so busy being Miss Awesome Independent that people meet you and have ZERO idea how to fit into your life?
In this module, you’ll learn how to make sure you are coming off as physically and emotionally available, FIGURING OUT HOW PEOPLE FIT INTO YOUR LIFE, AND WHY VULNERABILITY IS the key to great love!
If you’re dating but never connecting deeper, this is a MUST for you.
Now that you know all of the things, how do you actually use them for dating? I got you, boo. In this module, you’ll discover first-date mindsets and learn the ONLY three questions you need to ask yourself after every date.
Next, I’ll show you how to spot emotional unavailability sooner rather than later and what to do when you do.
Finally, you’ll learn when and how to be vulnerable in new situations and when to set boundaries. I’m even going to give you a scripts for the DTR (Define the Relationship) talk and other awkward dating situations. Phew!
So what happens when you actually meet someone you like? You both are smitten and excited and ready to do this, right? Truth? This is where the real work comes in. Sharing your OM with them and helping them build their own. I’m going to teach you how to get through the power struggle phase that every couple goes through — and end up happy on the other side. You’ll also learn how to peacefully and happily resolve conflicts (‘cause that shit is inevitable).
As soon as you sign up, you’ll receive an instructional e-mail with how to access your personal (and private) learning platform. You’ll love it; It’s been created for multiple learning styles and is super easy to work with.
A call with yours truly, so we can discuss where you’re coming from and figure out what you need to dig deeply in during the Owner’s Manual. Whether it’s letting go of past relationships, building self-worth or practicing boundaries, you’ll know where to push harder with your accountability coach to get the most of the process.
Packed with videos, audios, playlists and worksheets to guide you in understanding all the things about love and relationships that you never learned (but totally fucking should have). You have five months to complete all of your online material. Don’t worry – your accountability coach and I will guide you in submitting homework and collecting feedback.
You’ll get to choose somebody that gets you and your one-of-a-kind style so they can become your cheerleader, confidante, and partner-in-crime, helping you get the most out of the work and get it done! From warm, gentle nudging to no-bullshit pushing, you can choose the person right for you.
Your squad and online family, in one happy Facebook community. You’ll have a safe space to connect with Kira and the other incredible women who are going through the process just like you. You can ask questions, share successes, get vulnerable, learn from others’ stories and create solid new friendships with incredible women who are learning and evolving just like you.
Where you’ll bring all your WTF questions, and I’ll bring the laser-focused coaching and answers on all things love, dating and relationships.
Who cares what you learn if you never get off your couch and apply it? #nobody. Which is why every single module of the Owner’s Manual will get you out trying new things, meeting new people, and stepping outside your comfort zone.
‘Cause that’s where all the good stuff happens, babycakes!
Who doesn’t love getting prezzies in the mail? You will receive a welcome package full of gifts to support you in your changes and a few fun ones because getting gifts is awesome.
While you get out dating and start meeting people because I know it can be scary! The community and I will have your back to help you feel confident and use all of your cool new skills!
For you to fill out and share with others when they are ready to be great for you.
Where we’ll create a road map with next steps to work on to take you where you want to be. We devise a plan that feels good for you to continue creating the life and relationship you want!
From cabanas in Costa Rica to villas in Italy (plus adventures in Greece, Mexico and on cruises!) our graduate events have to be seen to be believed. Once you’ve graduated from the OM process you can travel with me and other amazing ladies from around the globe to incredible places all while continuing smart conversations and practicing what you’ve learned!
No matter when you start the process, we will always have an intimate live event coming up for you where you can put words into action and practice all of the info you’ve learned.
We’ll be hanging out at at the stunning Unico resort in Mexico (where Danny and I had our honeymoon) and you’ll spend your mornings doing the work with me and the other OM ladies and the afternoons relaxing, pampering yourself and doing whatever the hell you want. Take it from me: This place is fucking amazeballs!
You (and other women who have gone through the OM process at the same time) will dig in with me to work on your new skills so you can walk away feeling confident and ready for romance!
On the first day, we’ll get clear on how new people can fit into your life (‘cause that isn’t always easy to figure out). Then we’ll teach you how to show others how they can treat you so they’re great for you and love you the way you deserve. We will also practice identifying who is (and isn’t) emotionally available … and what to do about it!
Saying “no”, speaking up when something doesn’t feel good, asking for what you need … that shit can be scary! Or at least it was before the second day when we give you the templates (and space to practice) the tough conversations you need to have when dating and starting a relationship. Winner, winner, chicken dinner!
Not sure how and where to meet people? I got you covered. On day four, we’ll come up with personal strategies for where and how you can meet new people … and how to make sure you come off as approachable when you meet them!
Dating doesn’t have to be disastrous. On our final day together, we’ll work on healthy dating techniques, timelines and conversations so you feel confident and in control when dating. Plus, you’ll get to go on a practice date that’s videotaped so we can watch your body language and ensure you’re sending out messages that build connection and relationships
**All events are at the gorgeous adults-only, all-inclusive Unico resort in Riviera Maya, MX.
The actual event price is included in the Owner’s Manual package, transportation and accommodations are not included in the price and will be set-up with our travel agent Sara when you sign-up.
Payment plans are available.
You’re in luck: Answers are my specialty.
Here are some of the most common questions I get asked by prospective OM clients.
Don’t take my word for it! (anyone get that Reading Rainbow reference?)
After my time with Kira I decided to travel solo over 12K miles working on myself along the way. One of my last stops was my hometown where I reunited with a childhood friend. We are now co-creating a beautiful relationship where everything is falling into place effortlessly, beautifully. And because of the OM I recognized a great man and I was ready.
The rest of my life relationships, all of them, will be blessed because Kira helped me find my way. Fix thyself and the rest will follow. – Cindy
The lessons that I learned and applied lead me to find a love that I never dreamt possible, and we’re getting married in June. Just to name a few things that I learned/applied that lead me to where I am:
1. Realize what I want, and what I don’t want
2. Be brave and try new things (in my case it was Tinder! Where I met Seth )
3. Don’t ignore red flags! (I was a serial red flag ignorer)
4. Probably most importantly COMMUNICATE – what you want, what you like, what you don’t; it’s OK to communicate these things and can lead to a stronger, healthier relationship. I look back at how and who I dated and can see how much I grew just from your podcasts and class. So thank you – I’m truly happier than I ever thought was possible. I realized who I was and what I wanted through your class, and I found someone who loves me for me, treats me well, supports me, you name it…
Paula (recently engaged!)
Right now I am in the best relationship of my life and I do not say that lightly. We have been in a relationship for 15 months. It’s a relationship filled with mutual respect and love. We communicate very well together and are deeply in love with each other. We both have past hurts that creep up sometimes and I’m most proud that we can communicate so well so we know what we need from each other. Last week he said something unintentionally that hurt me and I was able to articulate what it was that he said and how it made me feel and he was able to immediately realize why I would feel that way. We talked it out and it was a very grown up conversation. I can’t believe it took me 7 years to find him but it was worth the wait. I just now texted him and asked him if he had anything to add and he said ‘Life is best when shared with someone special. Keep it light and full of laughter’. That sums up our relationship so well.
Forever grateful for Kira and the hard work she does with helping other women be who they were meant to be. Krystal
Before the OM I felt like I only chose unavailable men. They were in another relationship, emotionally unavailable, long-distance, demanding jobs…But the OM showed me that I was being unavailable because I was not showing up fully as myself and asking for what was important to me. I also learned that I needed to to look for men who I deserved to have in my life, vs me trying to fit the desires and lifestyles or “who they were looking for”.
I was able to find a partner who had the same interest and ability to communicate, be introspective, supportive, show up fully for each other daily, and share intimacy. We are deeply grateful for what we have each day yet are committed to growth as individuals and as a couple.
Once I met Bryan, I knew this time it would be different. I immediately went into OM mode. I set a boundary (him not needing to see me every day) & he followed it. I set another boundary (him buying me dinner all the time….a previous abusive relationship trigger) and he followed it. (Rinse and repeat for the last 5 months!) And yes, he sets them too.
We talk all the time about us. Asking how each others day is, how we can help each other through things, and what (if any) is working our last nerve so those tiny things don’t come up in a disagreement for no reason. We talk when things aren’t comfortable and that includes those uncomfortable triggers…but we work through them TOGETHER. I now feel like a happy, content, fulfilled, joyful & a better, empowered woman!
Every single woman on this earth should do this. Married, divorced, single, widowed, etc. It’s about personal development.
I’ve been seeing my new man-friend for 4 months now, and we had a two hour conversation last night about how neither of us would have been ready for what we are building prior to this time in our lives. We each have different strategies for how we’re working on ourselves so as to be able to be present and active in our relationship – and the OM class was a huge part of my growth.
Valuing myself, greater self-awareness, knowing what a relationship can and can’t do for me, understanding and feeling comfortable communicating boundaries, asking for (and knowing) what I need, sitting in vulnerability, realizing when I’m telling stories about who I am/he is (versus really looking at what actually is), being realistic and honest with myself and him about my own issues — these are all things I am more able to do because of the work that was spurred on during the OM class. Thank you Kira!
Leah – Madison, WI (now 2 years and counting!)
We met three months ago in a serendipitous and spontaneous gathering of mutual friends at a concert in Chicago, and have been enjoying and building a slow-going but steady friendship and relationship since. In the early weeks, he chuckled and called me a “fucking unicorn,” and has since nicknamed me “Uni” for short. He calls me every morning to hear my live voice vs texting (score!), and all of our friends say the connection they see (and we feel) is undeniable. Looking forward to future things. So grateful for the OM !
Tonight we are going to review my Owner’s Manual and begin talks about living together! I’m so excited (and not anxious) to hear his thoughts and share mine. I have never had a relationship like this before where I am comfy being myself.
I am where I am because of what I learned from you…I’m open, informed, in touch with who I am and what I want and need! Thank you from my whole heart! You rocked my fucking world Kira!!
Kira gave me the real talk I needed; she had me put on my big girl panties and take a good look at myself and what I wanted. The growth I experienced from her coaching helped me transform my attitude about dating, and I’ve since snagged the love of my life (who loves my big girl panties btw) and I’m exactly where I want to be!!
– Jeanne, Madison, WI (now happily married )
I was struggling with getting past my own barriers. I knew where I wanted to be with my life, but i was struggling with the “how to” get there. But after the OM I can fully understand myself and what went wrong in my past to put me in the position I am now. I now feel more confident to continue down my dating path knowing I can handle whatever is thrown my way. OM has given me perspective and has called me out on the many excuses I was believing for such a long time. I loved the OM and everything it did for me! it changed my whole world for the better!
Kim, Denver, CO
Nowadays, I approach dating with excitement! I feel much more comfortable setting boundaries and doing so in a kind way. I don’t have an all or nothing mentality anymore. I’m not looking for Mr. Right, and I’m certainly not looking for Mr. Right-Now! I approach each new person with curiosity and wonder. I’ve certainly declined a few second dates, but I’ve also made some new friends. And each day I’m one date, one conversation, one experience closer to finding someone with whom I choose to create a great relationship – and who will choose to create one with me.
Since I’ve started working with Kira my life, not just my relationships, has done a complete 180°. She has helped me to create all of the things I wanted for myself, but was too afraid to go after, or didn’t know how to ask for. It is not always easy, she has definitely been the person in my life to make me listen to the things I don’t always want to hear, but it is absolutely worth it. Now that I am happier and feeling fulfilled in the rest of my life, I can focus on building a healthy relationship. I’m no longer letting my relationships control me and how I feel about myself. Kira has helped me take back control of my life.
I’m so thankful I did the OM and know I wouldn’t be in this much better place without it. I feel WAY better equipped when it comes to dating and relationships. Working with Kira in person is AWESOME, and she’s one of my biggest cheerleaders. My friendships have gotten so much stronger. Now when I have a problem my friends say things like: how can I support you in this moment? What’s really going on in this situation that’s making you feel this way? I’ve gotten better at teaching people how to treat me. This process isn’t about finding the perfect relationship with a romantic partner; this class is about improving your relationship with yourself, and all the “ships” you have in life: family, friends, coworkers, AND significant others.
Yup. It totally is. And can you really put a price on amazing relationships and waking up loved for who you are every. single. day?
Just a reminder of here is what is included!
You have mind-blowing content and support for 6 months! SIX MONTHS!
You get 10+ years of my blood, sweat, tears, research, conversations, story-collecting, coaching, live events, retreats, coaching certificate, positive psychology certificate and obsession with love and relationships. And you get to borrow all of that brain for two 60 minute calls, twice a week on Q and A, every day in our group and for a 5 day event.
You get your OWN accountability coach who will be your cheerleader, personal coach, accountability partner, and all around smart and awesome friend for the whole time.
You get an amazing community of women who are doing the work just like you! Having better and smarter conversations, changing their lives and getting shit done!
You get a 5-day event that is nothing less than life-changing and you will walk away confident, supported, happy and loved.
You get support from me and the community while you are out there dating. That shit is important because it can feel exciting and overwhelming to start dating again.
You even get awesome gifts to support you in your changes and a few fun ones because getting gifts is awesome.
Most importantly, you will walk away knowing what you personally need, how to ask for it, how to set boundaries, how to communicate, how to be vulnerable, how to date for success and how to create incredible love with another person.
That is worth everything.
Of course you are nervous! That is 100% normal. Getting real with ourselves and vulnerable with others can feel super scary! But let me tell you this. Getting real and getting vulnerable are crucial for all relationships, so why not practice in a completely safe and supportive space. So when you are ready to get to know someone, you already have practiced the skills to do it!
Weekly Q & A with Kira are Mondays at 8 pm ET and Wednesdays at 1:00 pm ET. You can come to one or both. You can stay for 20 minutes just to talk out what is going on with you or stay the whole time to listen, learn & support other ladies in the OM. Up to you. The call-in software has a raise your hand feature, so when you are ready to talk or ask a question, just raise your hand!
Whenever works for both of you. When you sign-up, you will get a calendar link to schedule your sessions with your accountability coach. You get six sessions included with the OM, but you are welcome to purchase more if you need more support for $150 an hour.