After all of the stories I have heard, the drama that has ensued and the amount of clients and friends I have had to talk off the ledge because of it, I think it is time we talked. It is time we talked about how online dating is a severely flawed process. That it is leaving some people more frustrated and disappointed than when they started. That it might not be the best match for you and that is ok.
Yes, we all know couples who met online. Somebody’s sister-in-law’s cousin twice removed. That is what fuels our fire. If you are online dating, having a great time and meeting amazing people, then this article isn’t for you. Feel free to read one of my other genius articles, here.
If you are one of the other millions of people who are getting frustrated, here is why it might not be a great match for you.
Online dating has become like holiday shopping for a significant other. You enter in the input of what you want “Male, 32-40, over 6 foot, advanced degree, physically fit, makes over 60,000, non-smoker, wants kids, also loves dogs, wine tastings and European travel.” We then comb over the handful of profiles, throwing out possible mismatches (bad spelling, he like cats, wtf?), looking for “the one” who fits our perfect list. Then when we do find that one random person that does fit all of our supposed “must-haves” we get our hopes up so far that we are devastated when a real person shows up, at some point, with their own set of flaws and baggage. Maybe they are only 5’10 (LIAR!) or God forbid, you are not actually what THEY are looking for. *GASP!*
Then you complain as the boxed wine flows freely, “All the good ones are taken or gay. I am forever single. I give up on love.”
This isn’t Weird Science! We can’t just enter in specs and have the perfect man/woman show up at your door. You would be missing all of the amazing stuff if they did!
Here is why online dating may not work for you.
It may not work if you are not the average height, age, weight or career. It may not work if you are not naturally a great speller, struggle with grammar, don’t have tons of great pics of yourself or have no freaking clue how to express all that you are in 3-4 paragraphs. That is A LOT of people and a lot of those people may not look great on paper, but could love you like crazy and create an awesome relationship with you.
You might be one of those “unaverage” people and I am happy that you are.
It is the unaverage that make us different. It makes us real and in the real is where the incredible stuff happens.
So, if you are feeling frustrated and disappointed, it’s ok! It might not be the best way for you to get all of your awesomeness out there. If you want to keep using it, think of it this way. The best number I can find is that 20% of people meet online. So use online dating 20% of the time when you are out there meeting people. But fill the rest with offline.
I personally think offline is where it is at. Sure, it seems a little scarier, but isn’t love worth it?