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WANT LOVE? GIVE YOURSELF A FUCKING BREAK!

{I am a swearbear.  Get over it.}

Hey There Dandelion:)  Come over here for a nice big hug, because today is going to sting a little.  But it is all for the good of the cause….love.

It is inevitable.

There is always going to be a point when I am working with my clients that they get down right frustrated.  Pissed off. Angry at me, themselves and the Love Gods.

“But Kira, I am doing everything right!!!  I am trying so hard!  Why isn’t this working?  Why haven’t I found love?  Why am I still single?  What is wrong with meeeeeeeeeee??????”

Want to know what is wrong with you?  That.  That right there is what is wrong with you.

Here is my super simple, life-changing genius for you.

CHILL THE FUCK OUT!

Want to find love?  Stop spending your days stressed out and over-thinking it.  Stop questioning everything about yourself.  Nitpicking.  Overanalyzing.  Freaking the fuck out.

There is nothing that is going to make you feel worse, and make piss-poor dating choices, than this behavior.

Ever hear the saying, “Love will show up when you stop looking for it?”  Here is what that ACTUALLY means.

When you stop giving such a fuck, start having fun, living the life you want, being a little selfish, doing the shit you love to do….you become irre-fucking-sistible to the rest of the world.

That inner-happiness and confidence is hot!  People want to make out with that shit.  That is where love starts!

The amazing people you want to date want to be around confident people who like themselves and who they don’t have to fix.  Not unhappy, secretly hates who they are and questions their whole existence people. Nobody really wants that shit.  That shit is exhausting.

Nobody healthy wants to take on your neuroses and honestly, nobody should have to.

Here is where to start.

Get the fuck over yourself.  

Let’s get one thing straight.  You are important.  You DO have the power to change the world.  It is just not going to happen with you being weirdly obsessed with stupid stuff that doesn’t matter and then berating yourself for it.  Stuck in your head, over thinking?  Go volunteer somewhere where people are struggling to eat or live.  See how much your shit matters then.  Get some fucking perspective.

Fix your shit.  

If you are holding on to something from your past that is in the way of you creating a great relationship, fix it.  Reach out for help.  That is why there are kick-ass therapists and life coaches.  You don’t have to do anything alone.

If you are embarrassed about asking for help, then check yourself.  You are going to need to ask for help over and over in your relationship.  That is part of the gig.  Anyone healthy I know would rather date someone who knows how to ask for help and fix their shit, than someone who sits there wallowing in their unhappiness.

Yeah, that screams date me, I am awesome in relationships.

Remove “should” from your vocabulary.  

Besides remaining reasonably clean and respectful to others, there are not a lot of things you really “should” or “have to” do.  Stop beating yourself up over your checklists, scale, job, etc.  We are a work in progress.  Where you are right now is what you were hoping to be at one point.  Embrace that shit.

Super Bonus:  You will also find that when you start living like this, you have more time, energy and awesomeness to give back to others and you will change the world.  Oh, and get kick-ass dates.

That was the whole point, right?