I feel like I can’t walk out the door or check my facebook lately withouts seeing/hearing/reading a lot of shit about “settling” when it comes to love and relationships.
You may have seen it too. Picture quotes all over exclaiming!
They drive me absolutely cuckoo for cocoa puffs.
So I have a few thoughts I want to share about “settling” today. Some grievances to air. Some bones to pick. There may be a rant or two in here, so you might want to sit down.
It starts with this.
What the fuck does that even mean? Please! For the love of God, please tell me!
Or as the brilliant Inigo Montoya said “You keep using that word. I do not think that means what you think that means.”
Don’t settle? Never settle? FOR WHAT????? What the fuck do you think you are settling for?
Please do share, people that shout this from the mountain tops! What are you supposedly settling for?
Settling for a fellow human being?
Someone who is trying the best that can?
Someone who is fighting their own battle every single day?
Someone who is flawed, imperfect…just like you?
But most importantly, is a person that you have chosen to see/date/hook-up with?
No one here is a victim of dating without their knowledge. You didn’t trip and fall into a relationship.
Just didn’t happen.
And do you know how much of an asshole you sound like when you say shit like that? ” Settling” for another human being is ridiculously disrespectful. That as a fellow human they are not worth your time, energy or love.
They are just a person who may not be in the same place as you or able to create a relationship with you.
BRAND SPANKING NEW GENIUS IDEA!!!! So, how about you don’t date those people and in the process quit shaming them for not being your thing, in your space or at the same time in their journey.
Yeah, please stop doing that.
So, let’s get some truth out there. Shall we?
When we talk about settling we need to stop talking about other people. Like they are the problem.
You are not a victim of your life when it comes to dating and relationships. You are living out the consequences of YOUR choices. You get to decide if you are welcoming amazing people into your life or not.
So, I want you to do me a favor today and replace the word “settling” with the word “choosing”. Because that is actually what is happening here.
You are choosing to be or not be with a person.
You are choosing to ask or not ask for what you need.
You are choosing to set up or not set up healthy boundaries that take care of you.
You are choosing to create a relationship that works, feels good and moves forward or not.
When we use the word choosing, it gets you out of passive victim mode and into “I own my choices and where they lead me mode”.
When you are choosing you can’t “settle”. It is impossible.
Plus, want to know what I see about those people who are not settling?
They are sitting alone, sadly in the corner waiting for someone who is not going to come. Waiting for the perfect. Waiting to be fucking completed.
They don’t want to admit it but they are looking for someone else make their world right. Make them lovable. Make them feel special. Because they don’t know how to do it themselves.
So it is super fucking easy to sit back, judge others and exclaim “I am not settling!”
Or when they are in a relationship they feel like they are because they haven’t taken the time to know what they need and figured out how to ask for it from their partner.
Who most likely wants to know you and make you happy. If you actually let them know how to do it. Because it turns out that men are not mind readers. Who knew?
Because when you are in the true space of love you see that the imperfections is where love exists. Where we can support and appreciate each other. Our job is to have a beautiful, working relationship. Not a perfect one.
That starts with two people committing, meeting each other halfway, communicating and working through their problems together. Showing up for each other every. single. day.
I don’t think that is settling, that is real. That is stunning.