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THREE SIGNS YOU ARE NOT READY FOR LOVE

Let’s take a moment and just admit that lots of people don’t really know what the fuck they are doing when it comes to love.

It doesn’t matter how many times you complain to anyone who will listen about how you are ready for love and want to date someone.  Just because you bitch about it doesn’t mean it comes true.

Otherwise, I would be living in Italy, with my hot chef boyfriend, Paolo, and this would have a lot more spelling errors because I would be wine-soaked by noon every day. 🙂

Honestly, talk is cheap.

It gets you absolutely nowhere unless you plan on actually doing something to make it happen.  And by doing, I don’t mean signing up for every dating site, going to every event until you exhaust yourself or announcing to every friend that you are single and pushing them to set you up.  That is exhausting and not worth your time if you don’t have your shit together in the first place so that if someone great shows up you even know what to do with it!

Am I right?

Here are three signs you are not ready for love.

1.  You don’t like anything.

You know what I am talking about.

You are the one at the party pointing out bad outfits and talking about how you loathe the music.

At work you are always complaining about your co-workers and boss.

Your last five dates were “atrocious!”

A few people out there may think your snark and dark side is funny but you and I know the truth, Sugarpants.

Your self esteem is struggling and when you point out everyone else’s failings you think people won’t notice yours. You might be able to keep that disguise around work or even some friends, but love is not going to fall for it.

Here is the hard truth.  When you are like that, the translation to other people is, “what does she actually think about me?” A new wonderful date after laughing a few times is going to start wondering what things you are going to nit pick about them.  And ultimately, anyone who is healthy is not falling for your act.

When you like yourself it shows through the way you move in this world.  In the way you are kind, accepting of others, understanding that everyone is fighting their own battle, realizing that the best thing about life is that everyone is different.  That doesn’t mean you don’t get to have a little snark, it just means it isn’t constantly focused at others.

Because honestly,  you just look like an asshole.  Nobody wants to date an asshole.

2.  You are uncomfortable with someone liking you

You meet someone.

They are awesome, until…..they start to like you.

Oh fuck.

They are doing everything that they are supposed to be doing and it feels super duper uncomfortable.  You start looking for excuses to get out of it.  You start to look for stupid things that don’t really matter to talk you out of it.

They are being too pushy.  Too clingy.  Too nice.  

You and I both know this is bullshit, so let’s stop pretending that it isn’t.

Here is the hard truth:  If you do not like yourself very much, when someone starts to like you it doesn’t make sense.  It doesn’t compute in your brain.  You learned that love looks a certain way (maybe not a healthy one) and it isn’t matching up in your head.

This is where you have to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

If good people liking you makes you feel uncomfortable and you sabotage it, you need to step up and take care of that shit because that isn’t magically going to go away.  You are just going to keep dating people who are comfortable and probably unhealthy.

No one’s goal is “Let’s have a mediocre, unhealthy relationship that is really hard and makes me feel like shit most days!”  No one.

3.  You have zero idea what you need

AAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Sorry I needed to get that off my chest, because you are killing me, Smalls.

I can guarantee what you are looking for is what I call an “evolved relationship.”  Something much more than your parents or grandparents, fed to us by media and an overall drive towards self awareness.  I am no way saying these are bad things, but to have a relationship like this you need to KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU NEED!!

Not want.  

Here is the hard truth:   Throw away the three page list about the qualities of your soulmate.  That shit is degrading to the future person that is choosing to love you, show up every day and be great for you.

Instead, work on what you need.  To feel good.  Thrive.  Learn how to be your best self.  Learn new perspectives.  Love in a huge way.

Recently I was quoted this:

“Unless it’s mad, passionate, extraordinary love, It’s a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn’t be one of them.”  – Dream for an Insomniac

To some, this is the beginning of love.  The “I want to know everything about you, have sex all of the time and consume you” phase.  That phase, called obsessive love and that so many are striving to have, actually has to evolve or the relationship will slowly fade.  But when you know what you need, can communicate it and work with the other person you can grow it into that mad, passionate, extraordinary love that happens in a beautiful, healthy relationship.

We change lives just because we are loved.

This kind of love does not come from fairy dust nor does it just happen to lucky people.  It comes from doing smart but rewarding self-work up front so you can create that kind of love and relationship.

So I ask you, are you ready?  Love is waiting for you to catch up.

This is EXACTLY what we do in the Owner’s Manual!  Check it out if this year you want to become ready for love…

-Kira