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The Real Problem With Ghosting

I am keeping it short and sweet.

Ok, not sweet because I am mildly frustrated at the daters out there.

OK, not frustrated, pissed as fuck.

Let me try that again…..WTF ARE YOU DOING OUT THERE PEOPLE?????

We need to talk about this.

Mother. Fucking. Ghosting.  

Aren’t we all above this?  Seriously?

I had not even heard the term “ghosting” until I was interviewed by an adorable 20-something blog who asked me about it.  If you don’t know what it means, it is the newfangled word for “when people seriously suck ass and are too scared to let you know they are not interested.”

I hate this shit.  This shit is what is ruining the world.  Starting wars. Melting the glaciers. Keeping the Kardashians on TV.

I might have been a little dramatic there:)  But that is how much I fucking hate it.

I am not going to rant today on ghosting and how it is fucking unacceptable and if you are out there dating and can’t let someone know in a grown up way that you are not interested you should NOT be dating.  I already wrote that article two years ago here.

What I am going to rant about is how much we let that shit get to us.  We let it take over our head space.  Question our worth.  Decide if we are lovable.  Shake our confidence to the core.

We have to stop that, because here is the simple truth.

That person that you liked, went on a couple of dates with, gave your time and energy to, were open to creating the MOST BEAUTIFUL THING ON EARTH WITH (a relationship), did not even take the time to let you know they were not interested.  Could not do a twenty second text.  A one minute facebook message.  A two minute email.  A five minute phone call.  Nothin’.

That is fucking bullshit.

YOU DO NOT WANT TO DATE THAT!  THAT IS SHIT AND A SYMPTOM FOR OTHER PROBLEMS!

Problems you do not want.  Problems that lead to lies, cheating, break-ups and divorce.  I am not even being dramatic there.  That is truth.

Your whole entire relationship, you are going to have to communicate.  Solve problems together.  Have compassion for your partner.  Do the hard stuff that makes us uncomfortable, but is necessary.  That is how love grows and healthy relationships work.

That is what we are looking for.

They have just proven to you that they can’t do that.  For whatever reason, they are not there yet.  But you don’t want to date that.  And you DEFINITELY don’t want to doubt yourself or let it truly effect your confidence.  Because they have proven that they are not in a healthy place, so why would you take the word on something as important as how you feel about yourself?

And if you are a person who is doing this behavior, check yourself!  Why aren’t you willing to be honest?  Uncomfortable?  Kind, because it is the right thing to do?  What is going on there?  You need to figure that shit out.

Because here is a truth:  you don’t get to have all of the great stuff that comes with love and relationships and not the tough, uncomfortable stuff too.  It doesn’t work that way.  You know it and I know it.

So the next time you get ghosted, it is ok to take a moment and be disappointed because you were interested.  Because you thought there was potential.  But then put it away.  Because that person just proved that they were not really ready for a relationship anyway.

So grab your prosecco and celebrate that there are awesome people who are ready and waiting to create something beautiful with you.  Let’s spend our time on that, OK Sugarpants?

I am here to help:)