I need to say something hard. Out loud. I want to yell it in some ways because it is uncomfortable.
I was at a party this weekend and was talking to a nice and attractive gentleman I had just met. Being playful and a little champagney (Yes, that is a word. Stop judging me!) I asked him to tell me three things about himself. He was clever, a bit cryptic and lovely. When he turned the question around on me, which doesn’t always happen, I went into the struggle in my mind of being absolutely real vs. looking awesome. I wrestle with this a lot. I like looking awesome.
I don’t even recall exactly what I said, but after one of them he said. “That was a bit vulnerable, thank you.”
I smiled and was relieved that he acknowledged that, because here is the truth.
This is fucking hard for me.
Part of me really loves to be this online presence that doles out smart stuff about love and talks about adventure and travel. It is safe. Not necessarily easy, but safe.
I have also created a business as a life coach that feeds into that. Sliding into the comfort of always asking the questions. Of exploring without being explored. That is what my clients pay me for, so I can easily justify it. However, I can’t deny that it has bled into my personal life too. My friendships and even dating.
That after a while, I have stopped sharing my own stories, fears and dreams. I just keep them to myself in a way I never did before. So if I fail, no one really knows. I fail a lot, by the way. You probably didn’t know that. Because I like to look awesome.
So here are some not so awesome things about me I want to share with you:
I am slightly obsessed with teen TV shows, books and movies. I totally contributed to the Veronica Mars Movie Kickstarter campaign. In the past, I even will go out of my way to go to opening weekend to a teen flick . Where I sometimes eat popcorn and milkduds at the same time so it tastes like caramel corn.
This makes me a little dorky. I am not for everyone and that is ok.
I make up words and not very good ones. Hello, champagney?
Yup, I do that. I am not for everyone and that is ok.
I am not close to a size 4 or 6 and that is one of my biggest personal battles that can steal my confidence away if I am not careful. Although I am working hard on it, it is a daily struggle. I refuse to let it define me.
I know people assume things about me that hurt. I am not for everyone and that is ok.
When I am passionate about something (such as love and healthy relationships) I swear like a sailor. My mother is not proud and I am pretty sure that my grandmother is turning over in her grave every time I drop the f-bomb. Which is a lot.
Some people are offended by it. I am not for everyone and that is ok.
For better or for worse, I am doing everything in my power to not officially grow up. I think it is highly over-rated. I tend to lean towards a more playful existence. That is not to say that I am not evolving, learning and growing every day. I just am not interested in buying a house or settling down in the way that many people are. Plus, I just refuse to take life so seriously.
Some people think that is immature. I am not for everyone and that is ok.
I love what I do. I want to do it forever. Some people think it is a fucking joke and have no problem telling me or making passive aggressive comments on facebook or my blog about it. That feels like shit.
Some people don’t get it or even try. I am not for everyone and that is ok.
I am goofy and seven layers of ridiculous on a daily basis. I break out into song in public sometimes, have been known to play Marco Polo in a store and am inappropriate pretty regularly.
Sometimes people think I am embarrassing. I am not for everyone and that is ok.
I mostly listen to a lot of eclectic indie music but sometimes I listen to not-so-good Top 40. I have the new Justin Timberlake on repeat on my work playlist. Wait. I am listening to it RIGHT NOW! Selena Gomez is next. (Notice that they are both previous Disney TV stars!!)
Some people think that mainstream music is crap and are above it. I am not for everyone and that is ok.
Curiosity is my driver. I can get bored easily so feel it is my responsibility to choose wisely about who I let into my life and spend time with. I never want to hurt anyone, but I have.
This is a challenge for me and makes me look fickle. I am not for everyone and that is ok.
I secretly love sci-fi and fantasy and really want to go to Comic Con. I am currently watching past Dr. Who, as well as, numerous sci-fi shows on Netflix, like Lost Girl. They soothe me.
My inner nerd is strong. I am not for everyone and that is ok.
I am messy and not proud of this quality. It is good when I am dating someone since it forces me to clean up regularly. I could NEVER be with someone who is OCD. It would get bad….very quickly. We don’t even want to talk about the amount I spill things.
Some people can’t tolerate that. I am not for everyone and that is ok.
I speak at colleges and it scares the bejeezus out of me virtually every time. I live and thrive for interaction, so speaking at people (with very little response) makes me feel like I suck. Even when people tell me I don’t.
I am not for everyone and that is ok.
Even though I am a bit bossy in life and certainly in my job, I love when someone calls me out on my shit. When they challenge me and make me think. Sometimes, I hope they tell me what to do when I get overwhelmed and am not sure what to do next.
I don’t always share that though but am working on it. I am not for everyone and that is ok.
I have been known to get nervous around guys I like. I get snarky and put myself in the friendzone. It is my default comfort zone with men and I have to fight it all of the time.
I am still learning about myself and what works for me. I am not for everyone and that is ok.
So Sugarpants, why am I telling you all of my shit? My quirks? My wabi sabi?
Because the best thing that my life and business has taught me is that I am not for everyone and that is ok. Some people think I am smart, reasonably funny and refreshing. Other people probably think I am immature or obnoxious. I just hang out with the former rather than the latter.
Many of my clients want everyone (or almost everyone) to like them. They bend over backwards, go out of their way trying to win this attention and affection. I have one thing to say to that.
Stop doing that shit. It is killing you.
There are going to be some people you connect with who will think you are amazing. There are going to be some that just don’t. That actually says very little about you and more about what you learned was acceptable behavior when you were growing up. Your acceptable and their acceptable are two different things. It just is. So, no matter what you do or say, you are probably not going to change their mind. You are, however, going to lose yourself and your mind in the process looking for others to deem you worthy of love.
I am telling you these not-so-adorable things about me because I am just me. Highly flawed, but still ok. I like me and the woman I am evolving into. The best part is that I find the more I embrace me, the more the right people show up in my life. Clients, friends and in love.
The sooner we can let go of people pleasing people who will never be pleased, we can embrace all of our shit and start surrounding ourselves with amazing people who like us, for us. That is where great love shows up. That is what we are doing here.
You are not for everyone and that is ok.
Adventure of the day:
Journal the shit out of these questions.
*Who are you wasting your time trying to please and why?
*What are you having a hard time embracing about yourself?
*Who can you start spending more time with right now who makes you feel great?