I recently read this super smart article on Psychology Today. I passed it around to my clients and even on facebook because I thought there was so much truth there about the ways we sabotage ourselves when it come to love and relationships.
The people I heard back from really liked it, but there was a resounding message from them across the land…..
Fuck Kira! This shit is hard. I am not sure I want to do that shit.
I know, grasshopper. I know…..
Knowing yourself well enough to recognize your stuff and then doing something about it….well, where do you even begin? Wasn’t this supposed to be easier than this? Just fall into place? Happen organically and then we just live happily ever after????
You have been lied to about love and relationships for a very long time.
Call Disney and tell them you want your childhood back. While you are on the phone with them, get me tickets to Disney World. It has been too long. I love it there.
Let me break this down for a moment. (add beatbox sound)
So….here is the deal. Unlike our ancestors, we don’t have to have relationships anymore. It’s true. We don’t have to get married to survive in our world like 100 years ago. Your family doesn’t get a donkey for you anymore and procreation is doing just fine without you.
Without trying too hard, you can usually get a good job, an apartment and even a dog/cat and live a pretty great life. I mean shit, you can have/adopt a kid on your own and start your own family. Most likely, you are not going to go hungry, homeless or be dead and empty inside.
Ultimately, you don’t have to do this.
Here is the absolute truth that is not going to be found in the two million dating tips and tricks articles out there.
The truth is, relationships are not necessary for survival anymore so at the end of the day, you have to fucking want it.
With our pretty long list of expectations and even long life spans, married for life looks way different than it did a few years ago. It is absolutely do-able, but you have got to want it more than the convenience of single life.
You are going to have to want it when letting someone in for real feels uncomfortable. It will.
You are going to have to want it when becoming vulnerable is scary. It is.
You are going to have to want it when compromising your life, schedule and things becomes annoying. It is going to.
You are going to have to want it to communicate on the level that makes relationships work, which will bring on confrontation and insecurity. They will show up.
You are going to have to want it when you go through rough days and moments and want to just hide your head and the sand and make it go away. Which you will.
You are going to need to believe in love and relationships more than the days that you don’t like them or even yourself. It’s going to happen.
Creating a long-term relationship is one of the most challenging things we can do in our life. It will rock every fiber of your being and make you question yourself.
So you might be asking yourself, why the fuck would you do that?That sounds hard. Hard seems bad.
Here is what I believe. Why I wake up every morning. Why I run a business that is downright not easy for me.
I believe when we create great love and beautiful healthy relationships we become stronger, happier and better people.
I believe when we are loved we can be better friends. Knowing we are deeply loved, little stuff rolls off of us and we have more time to listen and support others to be better people.
I believe when we are loved, we can be better parents. Because when we can be loved and we can give love, we will not doubt being good enough for them. When we are loved we learn and teach it is OK to make mistakes.
Your love and respect for others will teach them to be honest, kind and real. Modeling a healthy love relationship is the greatest gift you can give to your children.
I believe when we are loved, we can be better family members. Because when we have deep love and support we don’t have to default to unhealthy behaviors with our siblings and parents.
I believe when we are loved we move through this world more kind and able to give to others. We smile more and are doing random acts of kindness without even thinking about it. We change lives just because we are loved. This kind of love does not come from fairy dust nor does it just happen to lucky people. It comes from doing smart but rewarding self-work up front so you can create that kind of love and relationship.
Being in a working, supportive relationship is nothing less than beautiful and CHOOSING to show up every day and be a part of someone’s life is the most amazing gift you can give and receive. Better than anything you will get this holiday season. Better than virtually anything on earth.
It means more than ever because we don’t have to be there. We don’t have to have that relationship. We are there because we believe in love.
I want this for you. It is hard but I will help you in any way I can.