Yup, that’s right. There have been many days where I have straight up, no holds barred, pulled most of it out of my ass.
For as cool as people think being a life coach for singles (or dating coach) sounds, it has been a whole bucket of hard.
I was not given a business model to follow. There were no super successful dating coaches instructing me from the wings like a pageant mom telling me when to smile or what to say when I am asked a tough question. (I do, however, have pretty big hair.)
There have been many days that I sit in my favorite coffee shop/office nearly hyperventilating as my friend talks me off the ledge and plies me with the 3 “C’s”: coffee, chocolate or champagne.
Since I started my business almost five years ago, I have questioned every fiber of my being and seen every fear that I knew, or didn’t know I had, show up and laugh at me. I have had months where I had to decide which bill was more important, watched my own dating life come to a complete stop more than a few times (turns out telling guys I am a dating coach is not quite the turn-on I was hoping it would be), worked 12+ hour days pretty regularly, and drank more coffee than I knew could even be consumed by a human.
So, you can probably understand how it makes me laugh really stinkin’ hard when people assume this passion and career choice has been an easy road that started with me waking up one morning and saying “I am going to be a dating coach!” with it all just falling into place. I learned very quickly to wake up most days and just “fake it until I make it.” I would assess the day and my goals and just start working…. hoping for the best and trying not to lose my mind in the process.
So why do I do it? Why would I put myself through the daily struggle of my business when I had zero idea of what the outcome would be? Why would I forgo the steady paycheck, insurance, safety net and pretty much sanity of a normal 9-5 job? Am I a thermos short of a Punky Brewster lunch box?
Well, maybe….but in all of this crazy hard of creating a business out of thin air, it turns out this experience has really made me a way better person. This is part of my adventure called life and I have learned more about myself in this challenge I have taken on than I ever thought was possible. I have taken those fears, looked them in the eye and said “bring it on, sailor.”
The best part? I get to make other people’s lives better too. Biggest bonus? It turns out after all of this hard work and fakin’ it, I am actually really good at this life coaching stuff and it is starting to kick ass.
So, what is the point of me sitting here and sharing my fears, frustrations and crazies with you and what the hell does it have to do with with love?
Wait for it…
I see people coming to me all the time for answers, secrets, tips and tricks, anything to get love all figured out. They want me to get into their latest date’s mind and tell me exactly what he/she is thinking to understand why they are not calling, texting, sharing or doing things that people are “supposed” to do in a certain way or timeline.
They are hoping that if I can make some educated guesses they can fix the situation so it feels good and safe. Thinking that if they know all the rules they can avoid the uncomfortable, the unknowing, the fear, and most of all, the heart break.
Here is the biggest secret I can share with you:
There is no secret. There are no actual answers. There are no real rules. Even if you do everything “perfectly” on your part, you still may get hurt. There is no way to guarantee a certain outcome. There is no right way or perfect moments. You are going to have to fake it like the rest of us. And there is nothing more worth faking than the intricate and beautiful art of love.
There is only getting over any of your crap that might be holding you back, knowing yourself well enough to know what you need and being able to express that to a person who is actually able to love you back. That is all there is.
Love, dating, and relationships are all part of our adventure. On those days when you are beating your head against the wall wondering, “Why bother?” or saying, “I give up,” just remember why you are doing this…because ultimately we believe that real and true love makes us a better person. Love, relationships, friendships, dating all help you know yourself better and work on vital life skills like communication, self-expression, empathy and just learning how to take care of someone and letting them take care of you. And, you know…. that love thing.
It isn’t always just about the good stuff, it is sometimes about all of the stuff in between that helps us realize how truly strong, powerful and wonderful we are. Isn’t that why we are all here?
Adventure for the day:
Let go of the outcome and enjoy the deliciousness of the journey. Stop looking for things to “fit” into your idea of perfect and the way they are supposed to look. As spring finally opens up, look at how you can change your perspective to see everything as a success instead of a frustration. How can you fake it until you get the hang of it?