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WHY DO YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP?

Seriously.  

When was the last time you sat down and really asked yourself that question?

It is something I ask every potential client and after a bit of silence, I usually get a half-assed answer that is something that they read in Oprah and think sounds reasonably healthy.

However, most of the time, what they really want to say is…“I’m lonely.  Life is hard and I don’t want to do it alone.”

I get that, but that just doesn’t cut it anymore.

Letting someone into our world full-time is a big ass deal.  At this point, it needs to be so much more than the assumed next step in so many people’s lives.  In the world that is evolving, we don’t need people to physically exist anymore, so we need to bring the big guns to the table.

What we are expecting now is an evolved relationship, so guess what, Sunshine?  You need to be evolved enough to have it.

Yeah, I said it.

The world of vast options in dating has not created better relationships, instead it has brought us is the inability to be sure we have made the right choice.  Constantly wondering if there is something better out there.  So let me clarify.

YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHAT YOU NEED AND ARE LOOKING FOR IN A RELATIONSHIP OR YOU AREN’T GOING TO FIND IT!

Get it?  Got it?  Good.

Your Adventure of the Day:

Today, I want you to sit down and write a paragraph about why you want a relationship.  If it is because you think it is the final destination and all your shit is going to be fixed?  It isn’t.  It is just a next step in your journey and if you have been in a major one, you know it isn’t easy.

I am going to be a little bossy and tell you what your answers shouldn’t be.

* I’m fucking lonely.

* Everyone else is and I am sick of being left out of the world of coupledom.

* I want a baby. Like yesterday…not with someone who can’t communicate, respect or appreciate you.

* I need someone to complete me.  (Screw you Jerry Maguire)

* I don’t really know who I am so I want to glom on to someone who can make the tough decisions for me and tell me what to do so I don’t have to take responsibility in my own life.  Yeah, do that.

* I need someone who can fix my life. Such as; bring more money, a nicer living space, do my accounting and be responsible, clean my house because I don’t want to, cook for me, stop me from unhealthy decisions and behaviors, be my one and only best friend because I am uncomfortable socially.  Screams healthy, doesn’t it?

* I need someone who is super hot/smart/funny/outgoing and makes me look really good because I don’t like myself very much. Think super duper hard on that one, people.

Here are some thoughts on what it could say and then, of course, what you should be looking for when you are meeting new people.

* I feel really happy with my life and am ready to share that with someone else so I can learn things about myself that I can’t alone.   Yes, this!!

* I am ready to enjoy the companionship that comes along with a major relationship.

* I feel ready to openly express what I need in a relationship, as well as, listen to what my partner needs.  This awesomeness is called meeting love halfway.

* I am ready to trust someone enough to see all parts of me.  The goods and the not-so-goods.

* I feel that I am in a place to openly give and receive love.  Sure, you can give it…but can you receive it?  It is half the battle!

* I want a partner-in-crime that I can laugh with and have fun with and not take all of this shit so seriously.

* I know that real relationships are going to have rough times and I am ready to commit to working through the hard stuff with the right person.

Wait!  You don’t have the answers to all of those questions yet?  You can’t say yes to all of those? No problemo!  That is why LOAS is here!  I will get you there.