I think it was the genius singer-songwriter Avril Lavigne who brought up the ever important question…“Why did you have to go and make things so complicated?”
Fuck, do we complicate things.
Love, honestly, is just not that hard. It is what we do when we start to get a whiff of it that complicates the shit out of it.
We add feelings where they don’t exist because we are lonely.
We think we are in love when we don’t have a clue yet of all of their good and not so good stuff. That whole package that helps us figure out if we can create a relationship with this person or not.
We don’t listen to our needs and have sex way too soon in a relationship which complicates the fuck out of things.
We put up a wall, get clingy, project our crap ….the list goes on and on.
At the end of the day we are all just trying to connect. Build. Share. Learn. Love.
That’s it. It is a human need and the best one out there, but we screw ourselves when we try to fit that damn square peg in the round hole.
Let me give you an example.
I have actually had numerous ladies that have told me a story that ends with “well he says he’s just not interested in dating right now…what do you think that means?” Hmmmm…..What do I think that means?!?
Well, as someone who has started to speak fluent manspeak, I will translate it for you. It means “he isn’t interested in dating right now.” Yup, that’s it.
But ladies will sit with their friends for hours over wine and deliberate the whole entire dating situation to decipher this “cryptic message.” They turn into the modern day Nancy Drew looking for clues into what happened!
Here are some of the answers I have heard.
“He got scared of getting too close.”
“He was intimidated by your (smarts, looks, career, sense of humor, etc.)
“He must not be over his ex.”
“He likes you TOO much.”
Here is the the real truth because I like you so much, Buttercup.
I wasn’t in those relationships so I have absolutely NO idea what happened. But here is what I do know. He isn’t interested. That’s it. That is all you need to know.
Somehow all of the stuff that brought him and you to that point just isn’t the right match for him. It isn’t personal. Most likely it has nothing to do with you, it just isn’t right.
However, when we are liking someone new and things all of a sudden are not going as planned, there is a question you need to ask. You don’t need to gather the ladies and wine, this one is only for you.
Am I ok with this?Is this behavior that is happening ok with me?
If not you have two options.
To talk to them in a kind and honest way.
Move the fuck on.
Why take up your time (and most likely everyone else you know) trying to decipher some cryptic code that isn’t really so cryptic.
Why let these behaviors kick you in the insecurity and have you question your worth?
Why drop emotions on something that just is? Creating drama that doesn’t actually exist?
Why get sucked in to some unrealistic expectations with someone you barely know?
When really you have all the pieces to the puzzle or at least the skills to solve it all by your pretty little self.
They are either interested in getting to know you (even your needs that feel uncomfortable sometimes) or they are not. So what? I bet someone is.
Is it really that complicated?
Your weekly challenge:
Work on uncomplicating things. Let go of the feeling that it is all about you, your expectations and just have fun with it. Get to know someone for the pure pleasure of understanding another person and their differences. Collect stories. Build a connection with the intention of sharing, instead of trying to manipulate it and figure what will happen in the future. It probably won’t happen that way anyhow. Give a hug…because you can.
Once you start to uncomplicate, you can just enjoy the journey and create a kick-ass relationship in the process. Isn’t that the point?