At any give time since I was about 14, I thought I was ready to fall in love.
Through high school crushes, adult heartbreaks and many others in between, I always stuck to the idea that I wanted to fall in love and be in a real relationship but yet seemed to be jinxed.
Unlucky. A hopeless disaster. Cursed. I even had a few years in my 20s where the old song “But Not For Me” was my theme song. I laughed about it with friends, joked about it with strangers and secretly was sad about it when I was alone.
Not too long ago, I went back to my alma mater for my college reunion and it brought back the memory of a pretty embarrassing moment that reminded me of time when I felt that love was “not for me.” But really, it was. I just wasn’t ready…
I met J through my friend Beth junior year. She was “dating” one of his friends and he and I got stuck hanging out at after bars when they would sneak off to “date.” J was from the area and had moved back after college so he was a little older. (OK, 25 is not really older and the elderly jokes were probably pretty inappropriate.) He was cool, funny, a photographer and easy on the eyes. I instantly liked everything about him. We started “hanging out.”
He was different from guys my age. He actually asked me to do things. Real things. He would take me to dinner and have conversations about stuff that didn’t have to do with school. He even drove me a few hours away to visit my best friend in Madison. We always had great conversations and he made me think outside of my college bubble. It was refreshing, delightful and scary as hell!
I do not know when it happened but all of a sudden, I got nervous. Real nervous. It hit me that I could actually like this guy. Not just like him from far away or have an unrequited crush on a guy friend that I knew would never turn into anything. In all of those situations my heart was safe. I could actually like-like him.
Hold the phone….cause that shit is scary.
So I did what any sane woman would do: I blew him off. That’s right, I just stopped answering and returning his calls. Awesome, right? I know, I am really proud.
It seems almost laughable to me now how much I royally sucked in that scenario. I always blamed love, but it was not love’s fault; it was ME who acted like an 8th grader and stopped taking his calls. It was ME who did not realize that great guys like him don’t actually grow on trees or come along every day. It was ME who watched him a few months later start dating my dorm room neighbor, eventually marry her and have an adorable son. I, who most of college, bitched with my friends every day about being single, did not put on the big girl pants when something great actually showed up.
Before becoming a full-fledged life coach, I had to do some pretty dark digging to really step back and become aware of why I was single when most of my friends weren’t. That process brought me back to J and many others like him. At any given moment that I was ”looking for love,” great guys were showing up. It is just that I wasn’t actually ready for them. I always had tons of excuses (he is too nice, I am not sure I really feel the spark or some other bullshit) that didn’t really allow me to give them a chance.
Plus, there was always a cute, clever, unavailable guy around the corner that had zero interest in committing to me.
Don’t worry though – I would stick around awhile for those unavailable guys, hoping that they would come to their senses and realize how amazing I was. Meanwhile, I never came to my senses and realized how great the nice guys were. The ones who cared about my day, listened to my problems, called when they said they would and genuinely were interested in creating a relationship with me. Not some “are we dating or just hooking up” shit.
So, I pour my heart out in these articles (and look like an ass most of the time) to help you step back in your own lives and ask yourselves: are you actually ready for love or are you hitting your head against the wall, riding the roller coaster with guys that are never going to go anywhere? Dating assholes and hope it just gets better and one day you wake up happy? Sitting, waiting for texts that may or may not come? Saying, “but I love him” and knowing on the inside that nothing you have resembles love?
Honestly, love is not going to let you down. When you keep an open mind and love yourself, great people are going to come around. Your job is to take care of your shit and be strong enough to accept it when it does.
Trust me, when you are ready, love will show up.
YOUR ADVENTURE OF THE DAY:
1. Are the type of people you are attracted to capable of creating a good relationship with you?
2. Have you ever let a great person go because you were too nervous or scared?
3. Do you like yourself enough to be in a good relationship?